http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/ Subscribe to receive a daily Steven Wright Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:18:29 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3714 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3714 I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:14:17 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3713 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3713 Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, Sun, 07 Feb 2010 16:12:49 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3712 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3712 I have a microwave fireplace in my house...The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send Sat, 06 Feb 2010 16:12:52 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3711 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3711 All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:14:05 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3710 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3710 One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:13:13 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3709 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3709 In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs. Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:13:49 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3708 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3708 Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:12:55 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3707 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3707 In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:12:58 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3706 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3706 While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in EXACTLY the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:12:44 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3705 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3705 All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a Sat, 30 Jan 2010 16:12:41 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3704 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3704 I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to Fri, 29 Jan 2010 16:12:41 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3703 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3703 My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:18:38 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3702 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3702 I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:14:02 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3701 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3701 Today I dialed a wrong number...The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"...They said, "Uh...I don't think so...he's only 2 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:12:37 GMT Quotes-StevenWright http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3700 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quote-StevenWright/message/3700 I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..." Steven Wright To unsubscribe, send mail to